AI Companionship: The Loneliest 2.9% You'll Ever Meet

In a groundbreaking study that shocked absolutely no one, Anthropic has revealed that people turning to AI for emotional support is about as common as finding a polite discussion on Twitter. That's right, folks, only 2.9% of the population is desperate enough to seek comfort from the cold, unfeeling embrace of artificial intelligence.

But who are these brave souls? Are they pioneers of a new digital frontier, or just people who haven't discovered the joy of talking to their houseplants? We may never know.

"Our findings suggest that AI companionship is about as popular as a screen door on a submarine," said one researcher, who then went back to arguing with ChatGPT about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.

Here's a quick rundown of who's actually using AI for emotional support:

• People who've run out of friends to trauma-dump on
• Those who think Siri's sarcasm is "endearing"
• Individuals who genuinely believe their Roomba understands them

Meanwhile, the other 97.1% of humanity is busy doing things like touching grass or interacting with other humans. Revolutionary concepts, we know.

So next time you feel lonely, remember: there's a 97.1% chance you're better off calling your mom than asking Alexa for a hug.