Crypto
Selected reporting and mythical analysis on crypto.
Google Spends $1B on Battery That Can Power Your Smartphone For An Entire Weekend (Theoretically)
Google drops $1B on a battery that lasts 100 hours. Is it a renewable energy breakthrough or just a really big power bank? Our satirical take on the tech deal of the decade.
Crypto's 'Post-Hype' Era: Now With 90% Less Lambos and 100% More Government Paperwork
Explore the hilarious 'post-hype' crypto era where regulators replace influencers, stablecoins face reality, and startups pivot to paperwork. A satirical take on ETHDenver and market shifts.
Crypto's Midlife Crisis: Tether's Suspicious Briefcase, Stripe's 'Stable'coin Gambit, and the GENIUS Act Explained (Because Congress Needs a New Acronym)
Explore crypto's hilarious attempt at adulthood with Tether's shady reserves, Stripe's comeback, and Congress's GENIUS Act in this satirical take on blockchain chaos.
Y Combinator Startups Can Now Get 'Stable' Funding That's Anything But: The Hilarious Crypto Investment Saga
Y Combinator's new stablecoin funding option promises 'stable' investments in the most hilariously volatile way possible. Dive into this satirical take on crypto chaos in Silicon Valley.
NordVPN's Threat Protection Pro™: Because Who Needs a Dedicated Antivirus Anymore?
In a bold move to simplify your cybersecurity shopping list, NordVPN introduces Threat Protection Pro™—a feature that not only encrypts your data but also scans your downloads for malware, blocks m...
Tether CEO's World Tour: From Crypto Fugitive to Regulatory Groupie Overnight
Tether's CEO has gone from crypto's most elusive figure to its most visible personality overnight. Discover the hilarious truth behind his sudden regulatory charm offensive in our satirical deep dive.
Crypto Hackers Pocket $2.7B in 2025, Achieve 'Most Theft Ever' Hat-Trick in Digital Currency Heist Olympics
Crypto hackers break theft records again in 2025, stealing $2.7B in a hilarious display of digital incompetence and irony. Read our satirical take on the never-ending heist saga.
Coinbase's 'Definitely Not a Re-Launch' Re-Launch in India: Because Third Time's the Charm in Crypto Chaos
Coinbase's hilarious third attempt to conquer India's crypto market, featuring staggered relaunches, absurd job roles, and promises of fiat on-ramps that might just be blockchain dreams.
Why Benchmark Bet $17M on Fomo: The App That Makes Losing Money as Fun as a Rollercoaster Ride
Benchmark's $17M bet on Fomo, the crypto app that turns fear of missing out into a financial rollercoaster. Satire on tech investments and meme culture.
NordVPN: Because Who Doesn't Love Adding Extra Layers to Their Already Complicated Digital Lives?
In a world where your refrigerator might be spying on you, NordVPN heroically steps in to encrypt your every move. With over 7,000 servers worldwide, because who doesn't need that many options to w...
Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong Masters the Art of Prediction Market Puppetry
Discover how Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong's playful trolling exposes the hilarious fragility of prediction markets in this satirical tech breakdown.
Coinbase's Billion-Dollar Bet on India's CoinDCX: Because Nothing Screams Stability Like Crypto
Coinbase's hilarious investment in India's CoinDCX pushes valuation to $2.45B – a satirical take on crypto madness, memes, and billion-dollar bets in the volatile world of digital currencies.
Prediction Markets Go Crazy: Kalshi’s $5B Valuation and Polymarket’s NYSE Bet - Who’s Gambling on Gambles?
Satirical take on Kalshi's $5B valuation and Polymarket's NYSE backing: prediction markets hit absurd heights in this hilarious tech news parody.
North Korea's Crypto Heist Hits $2 Billion: Kim Jong-un Now Accepting Bitcoin for Nuclear Missiles
North Korean hackers steal $2 billion in crypto in 2025, sparking satire on their digital heists, blockchain security, and Kim Jong-un's absurd funding schemes. Read this hilarious take on cybercrime gone wild!
NordLocker: Because Who Doesn't Want to Encrypt Their Cat Photos?
In a world where even your toaster might be plotting against you, NordLocker steps up to encrypt your files with military-grade algorithms. Now, you can securely store your grocery lists and vacati...
India Goes Full Crypto Cop: 25 Exchanges Like BingX and LBank Told to Chill or Get Real
India's hilarious crackdown on 25 crypto exchanges like BingX and LBank for compliance fails—because even digital money can't escape the rules. Read the satirical take now!
Shield Raises $5M to Make Crypto Transactions as Complicated as International Banking, But with More Emojis
Shield's $5M funding aims to simplify crypto transactions with a dash of irony, making international business funnier and more complicated. Read our satirical take on this tech news.
PayPal's New Crypto Payment Links: The Ultimate Solution for Awkward Money Requests
Discover PayPal's hilarious new payment links that might just make your financial life more absurd, with crypto support on the way for added fun.