Google's AI Now Books Your Flights, Your Wedding, and Probably Your Therapy Sessions Too

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Google has decided that humans are too incompetent to book their own flights. Enter Flight Deals, Google's latest AI tool that not only finds you the cheapest fares but also judges your life choices as you search for that 3 AM flight to Vegas.

"We noticed that people were spending hours, sometimes even minutes, comparing flight prices," said a Google spokesperson, who may or may not have been an AI themselves. "Our AI can do that in nanoseconds, leaving you more time to question why you're going to Cleveland in the first place."

The tool, which is conveniently rolling out just as antitrust regulators start peeking into Google's business practices, uses "advanced algorithms" to predict not just flight prices, but also when you'll finally give up and book the expensive one because you're tired of looking.

• Feature 1: Psychic Pricing - Knows you'll cave and buy the $900 ticket by Friday.
• Feature 2: Destination Shaming - Gently suggests that maybe you should visit your parents instead.
• Feature 3: Antitrust Avoidance - Distracts regulators with flashy AI features while it hoards all the data.

Competitors are, of course, shaking in their boots. "First they came for our search, then our emails, and now our flights? What's next, Google? Are you going to start choosing our spouses?" cried a spokesperson from a competing travel site, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of being acquired.

Meanwhile, users are reporting mixed feelings. "I saved $50 on my flight, but now my phone keeps asking if I'm really sure about my life decisions," said one traveler. Another admitted, "I didn't know I needed emotional support from my flight booking tool, but here we are."

Google assures us that this is just the beginning. Rumors are swirling that their AI is also working on a feature to book your Uber, order your in-flight meal, and then ghost your Tinder dates for you. Because why should you have to do anything anymore?