Google's Gemini Now Summarizes Your Emails Because Apparently, You're Too Lazy to Read

In a groundbreaking move that no one asked for, Google has decided that your emails are just too darn long. Enter Gemini, the latest AI tool that will helpfully summarize your emails, because who has the time to read more than three sentences these days?

"We noticed that people were spending valuable seconds—yes, seconds—reading entire emails," said a Google spokesperson, while presumably staring at a clock ticking away the precious moments of their life. "With Gemini, we’re giving you back those seconds so you can spend them on more important things, like watching cat videos or staring blankly at your screen."

But wait, there’s more! Gemini doesn’t just summarize your emails—it also judges you for how long they are. "If your email is longer than two paragraphs, Gemini will automatically flag it as ‘TL;DR’ and suggest you seek professional help for your verbosity," the spokesperson added, barely containing their laughter.

Of course, you can opt out of this incredible feature, but why would you? Google knows best, after all. "We’ve already decided that you don’t need to read the fine print in your Terms of Service, so why should your emails be any different?" the spokesperson quipped, before disappearing into a cloud of smugness.

So, brace yourselves, inbox warriors. The future is here, and it’s telling you to shut up and keep it short.