Moxie Marlinspike Launches 'Confer': The AI That Forgets Everything You Say, Including Your Name

In a groundbreaking move that has privacy enthusiasts weeping with joy and data brokers weeping with... well, data loss, legendary security researcher Moxie Marlinspike has unveiled "Confer"—an AI assistant so private, it makes a hermit crab look like a social media influencer. Designed as a direct competitor to ChatGPT and Claude, Confer promises something truly radical: your conversations won't be used to train anything, except maybe your own sense of existential dread when it forgets what you were talking about.

"We've taken privacy to the next level," Marlinspike announced at a press conference held in a soundproof, windowless room with the Wi-Fi disabled. "With Confer, your data isn't just encrypted; it's actively ignored. Think of it as ChatGPT's amnesiac cousin who can't remember your birthday, let alone your shopping habits."

The interface, as described, is eerily familiar—a chat window that looks suspiciously like every other AI tool out there. But the magic happens behind the scenes. While ChatGPT might be hoarding your queries like a digital dragon, Confer employs what Marlinspike calls "Ephemeral Processing". Each message is analyzed, responded to, and then immediately shredded by a virtual paper shredder that runs on ethical principles and a dash of spite.

"We don't store conversations," Marlinspike clarified. "In fact, our servers have the memory capacity of a goldfish after a night out. Once you close the chat, it's gone forever. Poof! Like that embarrassing text you sent at 2 AM, but without the regret."

Early testers have reported mixed results. One user, who asked to remain anonymous (a sentiment Confer fully supports), said, "I asked it for recipe ideas, and it suggested 'air and disappointment.' When I complained, it apologized and then asked who I was. It's liberating, in a deeply confusing way."

Another feature that sets Confer apart is its advertising model—or lack thereof. Unlike other AIs that might serve you ads for shoes after you mention a jog, Confer's revenue stream is... well, nobody's quite sure. Rumor has it Marlinspike is funding it through a secret cache of Bitcoin and the sheer moral high ground. "We won't show you ads," he declared. "Because we have no idea what you like. Frankly, we don't want to know."

Tech analysts are buzzing, albeit quietly, to avoid eavesdroppers. "This could disrupt the AI industry," said one expert, who requested we refer to them as 'Deep Throat' for anonymity. "If Confer catches on, we might see a wave of forgetful AIs. Imagine Siri forgetting your appointments, or Alexa losing track of your shopping list. The chaos would be beautiful."

But it's not all smooth sailing. Critics point out that without data training, Confer's intelligence might be, shall we say, selective. In a demo, when asked about the meaning of life, it responded, "42, probably? Wait, what was the question?" And when prompted to help with coding, it suggested, "Have you tried turning it off and on again? That's all I've got."

Marlinspike remains undeterred. "Privacy isn't about perfection; it's about principle," he said, while wearing a tinfoil hat as a fashion statement. "Confer might not remember your last conversation, but it'll also never sell your soul to an algorithm. That's a trade-off we're willing to make—even if it means our AI sometimes answers questions with 'I plead the Fifth.'"

As for the future, Marlinspike hinted at upcoming features, like a "Privacy Mode" that deletes your messages before you even send them, and a "Paranoia Boost" that randomly changes your IP address mid-chat. "We're committed to making Confer the most private AI out there," he vowed. "So private, even we don't know what it's doing. It's the ultimate in trustless technology."

In related news, ChatGPT has reportedly started offering a 'Forget-Me-Not' package, where it charges users extra to not remember their data. Meanwhile, Claude is considering a rebrand to 'Claude the Clueless' to compete. The AI wars have never been so absurd—or so secretive.

So, if you're tired of Big Brother watching you chat, give Confer a try. Just don't expect it to remember you did. After all, in a world overshared, sometimes the smartest move is to forget everything—and this AI is acing that test, one blank stare at a time.