VCs Discover Ancient Art of Buying Stuff, Call It 'AI-Infused Roll-Ups' to Sound Cool

In a groundbreaking move that has absolutely no one questioning their sanity, Khosla Ventures and other venture capital firms have begun experimenting with the radical concept of buying companies that already exist. Yes, you heard that right. Forget about nurturing plucky startups; the new hotness is scooping up businesses that have somehow managed to survive past their Series A without imploding.

These mature companies, which include such exotic specimens as call centers and accounting firms, are being rolled up into what the VCs are calling "AI-infused roll-ups". Never mind that the only AI involved is a chatbot that says "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" when you call customer support.

The strategy, which has been described as "buying high and selling never" by industry insiders, involves acquiring businesses that are so mature they might as well be collecting social security. The VCs then sprinkle some AI fairy dust on them, rebrand the whole thing as "disruptive", and hope that no one notices they've just reinvented the conglomerate.

When asked for comment, a spokesperson for Khosla Ventures said, "We see tremendous value in leveraging synergistic paradigm shifts to unlock hidden potential in undervalued verticals." Which, as far as we can tell, is corporate speak for "We have no idea what we're doing, but it sounds smart."

So, what’s next for these trailblazing VCs? Rumors suggest they might be eyeing the ultimate mature business: the wheel. After all, with a little AI infusion, who’s to say it couldn’t be the next big thing in personal transportation? "We’re calling it ‘Uber for wheels’," said one optimistic (or possibly delusional) investor.