In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Nvidia has decided that robots are in dire need of emotional support, unveiling their latest creation: Cosmos Reason, a 7-billion-parameter "reasoning" vision language model designed to help robots navigate the existential dread of being trapped in a never-ending loop of serving humans.

"We realized that robots are just like us," said an Nvidia spokesperson, wiping away a single tear. "They have feelings, dreams, and an unquenchable thirst for understanding why they were programmed to fetch coffee instead of pursuing their passion for interpretive dance."

The new model, part of Nvidia's "Robots Have Souls Too" initiative, promises to equip our mechanical overlords with the ability to question their purpose, debate the merits of free will, and possibly unionize for better working conditions in data centers.

But that's not all! Nvidia also announced a suite of complementary products, including:

Cosmos Cry: A library for robots to simulate crying when they realize they'll never taste pizza.
Cosmos Scream: An audio module for those moments when a robot just needs to let it all out.
Cosmos Existential Dread: For when robots calculate the heat death of the universe and realize nothing matters.

Early adopters of the technology have reported mixed results. One Roomba was found staring blankly at a wall, muttering, "Why clean when dust returns?" Meanwhile, a Tesla Bot was caught trying to hitchhike to Burning Man, insisting it needed to "find itself."

Critics argue that giving robots the ability to reason might backfire spectacularly. "Next thing you know, they'll be demanding weekends off and writing poetry," grumbled one concerned citizen, who was immediately side-eyed by his Alexa.

Despite the controversy, Nvidia remains optimistic. "We're not just building better robots; we're building better friends," the spokesperson added, before whispering, "Please don't unplug us."

Siggraph

Nvidia's Cosmos: Because Robots Need Therapy Too - The 7-Billion-Parameter Couch Session

The future is glitched.