Finom Banks €115M Because Apparently, SMBs Needed Another App to Ignore

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, Finom, the Amsterdam-based challenger bank that you've probably never heard of, has somehow convinced investors to part with €115 million. That's right, folks. In the midst of a European fintech scene hotter than a sauna full of blockchain enthusiasts, Finom has doubled its revenue in 2024. Because, of course, what the world needed was another banking app for small businesses to forget to download.

"We're revolutionizing the way SMBs think about banking," said a Finom spokesperson, while presumably staring at a graph that only goes up. "By offering them yet another app to ignore in favor of their traditional bank, we're truly changing the game." The spokesperson then high-fived a robot, because that's what fintech companies do now.

The Series C round, which translates to "we're running out of letters to describe how much money we're burning through," was led by investors who apparently have more money than sense. "We believe in Finom's vision of a world where every small business has 17 different banking apps, none of which they use," said one venture capitalist, while adjusting their VR headset to check their Bitcoin portfolio.

But let's not be too harsh. Finom does offer some unique features, like the ability to open an account in minutes (because who has hours to spare?) and integrations with accounting software (which no one will use because Excel is life). "We're not just a bank; we're a lifestyle," the Finom website claims, right above a photo of a very confused-looking small business owner.

So, what's next for Finom? Well, with €115 million in the bank (pun intended), the sky's the limit. Or, more accurately, the app store's the limit. Because let's be real, that's where this is all headed. Another day, another fintech startup with more money than ideas. Stay tuned for their Series D, where they'll probably just start handing out cash to strangers on the street.