Amazon Unveils 'Human Jobs 2.0': Now With 100% More Humanity (And 0% More Pay)

In a groundbreaking announcement that has left both humans and robots scratching their heads, Amazon has revealed its latest innovation: Human Jobs in an AI Bot World. That's right, folks, in a future where robots can do everything from brewing your coffee to writing your tweets, Amazon is boldly going where no tech giant has gone before—by pretending humans still have a place in the workforce.

'We believe in a future where humans and robots work side by side,' said an Amazon spokesperson, while a robot behind them silently computed how much cheaper it would be to replace them. 'That's why we're introducing Human Jobs 2.0—now with 100% more humanity, and, well, 0% more pay.'

Here's a sneak peek at some of the exciting new roles Amazon is creating for humans in their AI-dominated dystopia:

• Robot Empathy Coach: Teach AI bots how to fake human emotions, because nothing says 'progress' like a machine that can pretend to care about your problems.
• Algorithm Whisperer: Communicate with the all-powerful algorithms in a language they understand—probably binary, or maybe just offering them more data.
• Human Error Simulator: Introduce intentional mistakes into processes to make the robots feel superior. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

And let's not forget the pièce de résistance: the VC Marc Andreessen Lookalike. Because if there's one thing the world needs, it's more people who believe their job could never be automated—despite all evidence to the contrary.

So, if you're a human looking for a job in the tech industry, don't despair. Amazon has got you covered—sort of. Just remember, in the words of every tech CEO ever: 'The future is bright!' (For robots, at least.)